God: Man, Woman or Asexual?

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With all the religions that exist today, there seems that there is growing uncertainty about which one has the ultimate and thus the right answer to the questions: who are we and why the hell are we here? And even more importantly - just who is God?

For the record: since I know more about the three major religions: Judaism, Christianity and Islam, I will solely be focusing on those, while acknowledging the existence of others and their doctrines. But, for the sole purpose of this tirade, we will leave out the others.

In the beginning...

All religions (and spiritual belief sets) have their own stories of creation, some a common factor that links religions. Genesis is the first book (Books of the Bible) for Judaism, Christianity and Islam. It states that in the beginning God created the heavens and earth.

1:1. In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth,
1:2 the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from God swept over the face of the waters.
1:3 Then God said, "Let there be light"; and there was light.
1:4 And God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness.
1:5 God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.

There are slight variations on how this part is translated, whether you read the Tanankh, the Old Testament (Catholic version) or the King James version (this is typically found in Protestant places of worship). But, in essence they all have the same core.

What I find interesting is the part where we get to the creation of man and depending on what version you read, there is one stark inconsistency - Adam and Eve were NOT created the same way. In one version, Eve comes first, in another, they are created together and finally, the more widely accepted is that Eve was created from one of Adam's ribs in order to give him a companion.

1:26 Then God said, "Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth."
1:27 So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
1:28 God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.

Notice the part I bolded. This is where the first inconsistancy occurs and this is important because people tend to put the man first as he was the first created by God.

But, it shows that they were created at the same moment.

Now, since there are many version (read: translations), we'll go with the above which we've cited. Or, we could ignore the above, since it is possible that Adam existed first, but, we'll never know (ah, yes, the beauty of ignorance in being lost in translation).

Adam is allowed to eat of all the fruit within it, except that of the "Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil." (2:19)

Assuming that Adam came first, this is then singularly referring to Adam, or, if they were created at the same time, it could mean that God explicitly didn't trust Adam and believed that Eve wouldn't disobey.

So, if Adam wanted to eat from the tree, he could've allowed Eve to do the "sinning" so he could get to eat his forbidden fruits.

So? What's my point you're sagely wondering as you cast an ever-cursory glance over my non-sensual ramblings, to which you barely take note.

Well, if we consider that there are three entities in the Bible, Heaven, Hell and Earth, then, why are Lucifer and 'God' always taking opposite sides? And the Tree of Knowledge (alias, The Tree of Good and Evil), why was its forbidden?

We could go on the notion that since God created the Heavens and the Earth that Hell has existed long before the other two ever did.

What is my point?

Like any married couple, Lucifer and 'God' could've been in the middle of a nasty divorce and God said, "The hell with this place!" and walked out. Upon closing the door behind her/him, he/she realised that she/he had no place to go so created the Heavens and the Earth. The Heavens would be his/her new home and the Earth would be the court and hence, the battle ground for the divorce.

The female icon in any line of belief is usually associated with life, fertility, flora and fauna. Hence, since God created the Heavens and the Earth; the Earth being the place that was originally full of life and lush gardens could actually be the figure we refer to as Mother Nature. The female is associated with birth, and since God created these places and encouraged fruitfulness between Adam and Eve, God must've been a woman.

Why does the "be fruitful and multiply" line make God a woman? Most mothers are the first in line to encourage their children to have their own children when they are ready. God wanted her creations to have children.

Now, it is entirely possible that when God created Eve and Adam, She created Eve first then created Adam in order to balance out the world, thus, allow for the pair to be fruitful.

From this, we assume that God only created the male out of necessity and perhaps harboured a slight resentment towards men (as Lucifer would be her ex-husband). Why? Recall 2:19, which specifically cites Adam.

Further, we all know that God then banishes both Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden.

They, especially Adam, who was explicitly forbidden, ate from the Forbidden Tree.

So, what knowledge did the tree contain besides their evident nudity?

Perhaps it held the sinister secrets as to the true nature of Lucifer and by eating that apple, Adam had it engrained in his DNA.

And of Eve? God perhaps was having some bad PMS and decided that since Eve was too intent on hanging all over Adam (despite that her mother explicitly said "no"), that She'd cast Eve out and curse her with PMS. And that whole pain thing? Who says they didn't have pain in Eden? Perhaps they just had a lot of Marijuana...